seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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