Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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