So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
