Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
