Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
