FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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