I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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