the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
