My Higher Power is John Stamos
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Vodka?
Forever.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
