i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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