He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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