So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
