Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
