On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
