If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize