I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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