I need help removing her.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
