Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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