Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
