i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
