she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
