He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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