How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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