We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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