I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
