It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
