i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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