I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
