Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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