i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
