Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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