The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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