Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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