I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
