Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
