yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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