I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
