Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
