I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
