Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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