um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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