The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
did you just send me my own nude
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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