no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize