either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
