it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
