At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
