if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
