I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize