What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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