I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
