Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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