Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just tell him i said nine months
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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