the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have demons in me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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