dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
