i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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