i just google imaged poop.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
