And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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