You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
