if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
