Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
