was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize