Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize