I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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