i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think I am morally bankrupt
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
