Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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