My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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