You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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