Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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