hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In other news, I just burned my penis
so much tequila, so little girl.
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