i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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