The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
