she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
