i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
