So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
