I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
