I'm really into asian looking animals
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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