I miss vodka workout Fridays
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
