Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
